A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
