you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
