i jhust puked up my retainher.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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