Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
