so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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