Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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