Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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