it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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