you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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