that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
