either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
