is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
