Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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