with your own penis?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize