I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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