dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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