somebody snuck up and got me drunk
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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