Betty ford says i'm here all night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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