I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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