I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize