Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
