You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
