Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize