I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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