It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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