no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I would fuck him just for his dog
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
