so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
