i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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