also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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