You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is her dick bigger than yours?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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