Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
