508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
