My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
