So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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