i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize