Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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