I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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