he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
