You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
