I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
