I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
