I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
