Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
