Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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