Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
