its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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