If that was your dad, he is hot
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
