Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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