either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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