I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
