it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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