Barsexuality is the new black.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm at about main and main street
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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