Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
