I think my vagina is haunted
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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