are you still at the devil's house?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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