Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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