Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
