All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
