idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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