i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
