just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
