I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
