I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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