Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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