I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
