peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
