im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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