I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
