i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
