some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
