the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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