And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
