you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
