Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
