Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
