There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
