he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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