You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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