Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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